I am a massage girl–wink, wink–who provides men with happy endings. I enjoy porn–especially guy-on-guy porn–and I like to think of myself as very open. I am also happily married. Until recently. My husband is 36, handsome, 6’2″, well-endowed, works out daily, and has an awesome body. For 14 years our sex life was great. He always liked that I talked dirty during sex, watched porn, etc. In the past two years, however, all he has wanted to talk about are she-males. The she-male thing wouldn’t bother me so much if he could still fuck me like before, but he’s been having a hard time getting hard for me. The only way he can get hard lately is while he’s watching she-male porn or listening to me talk dirty about she-males. I know a professional she-male through my chosen profession, and I offered to make my husband’s fantasy come true. But he is too scared of diseases to act on it. Do you think he’s gay? Nothing would be wrong with him being gay–except what it would mean for our marriage!
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Here’s what’s up with straight guys into she-males: some straight guys like dick–I mean, they really like dick. They like dick so much that they want to play with dicks other than their own. But they’re straight guys, CAFIB, so they don’t want to play with some other dude’s dick. They want to play with a dick that’s attached to someone who in every other respect looks like a hot woman. Straight guys like your husband are pretty common, while good-looking she-males are not. Which is why hot she-males can charge hundreds of dollars an hour for the pleasure of their company.
As to your husband’s performance problems of late, well, I’d chalk them up to that notorious buzz kill, the Unfulfilled, All-Consuming Fantasy. He’s clearly obsessed, CAFIB, and until he lives out this fantasy, all other sex acts, partners, and opportunities will pale in comparison to the idealized she-male experience he’s been masturbating about for two years. His sexual withdrawal is a sign of despair, not homosexuality.
I was getting a quick espresso from a hot woman who works at my favorite coffee shop in Baltimore. She had the City Paper open on the counter and was reading your column. One on santorum. “What’s Savage Love?” I asked. She said it’s a column for freaks with outlandish problems. I wanted to discuss and flirt further, but an older man behind me was impatiently waiting to buy four newspapers. So I left. Any ideas on how to strike up another conversation? Any ideas on topics? –Garth
I wanted to suggest that SPISL’s wife, the woman with the sweet-tasting pee, visit her doctor and make sure she doesn’t actually have sugar, and not Sweet’N Low, in her urine. SPISL may have inadvertently diagnosed diabetes with his kink.
