Last year I began a sexual relationship with someone at my university. He was graduating, so we just kept it light and had fun. Even though he’s no longer here, we’ve kept in contact, and we get together whenever he’s in town. Recently he propositioned me, asking if I would have a threesome with him and one of his friends, a man I know and trust. I know they’d never do anything to hurt me, and based on how they’ve treated me in the past, I know they respect me, but they would have a definite power advantage–I’d be putting myself in a very vulnerable position. However, the option is appealing. I’m very attracted to both of them, and I’ve always liked the idea of being with two men at once. They’re giving me all the time I need and are answering all my questions. We’re going to meet and talk about this some more before we make any detailed plans. Is there anything else I should do or consider? What should I look for in this kind of situation? –Considering My Options
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You should be looking for exactly what you’re getting from these two boys, CMO–patience, consideration, respect, and trustworthiness. So stop thinking so hard! These boys sound like ideal three-way partners: they’re not rushing you, they didn’t spring this on you when you were drunk, and they want to talk things through before they DP your brains out. Could they possibly be more sensitive? Could they be more considerate? No and no, kiddo. If you’re worried about making yourself vulnerable to a pair of good guys like these two, CMO, you’ll never have a three-way.
And rightly so, TBW. Anyone with your history should think long and hard before he acts on a sexual fantasy that involves a power play–which is to say he should think long and hard before he acts on any sexual fantasies at all. But I’m struck by the ways in which your fantasy differs from your childhood trauma, TBW. You’re not talking about pointing a gun at your wife’s head. You’re aroused by the idea of initiating oral sex with her while she’s asleep–and helpless, yes, and that’s a power trip, of course, but it’s not necessarily rape.
