My boyfriend of three years has a lower libido than I do and rarely wants to do anything sexual. For a variety of reasons, I will not DTMFA. We no longer have arguments about this, but I do feel lonesome for the type of physical contact he won’t provide.
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We’ll get to your issues in a moment, PALS, but first an issue of my own: I’ve been abusing DTMFA letters of late–that is, I’ve been using a lot of questions from readers who need to “dump the motherfucker already.” As I’ve pointed out in past columns, letters from people who need to DTMFA account for more than half the mail advice professionals like me receive. If we aren’t careful, DTMFA letters can dominate our advice columns, making them monotonous.
OK, PALS, I was completely on your side until “I’m looking for him to OK a short list of people we know.” So long as your short list includes mutual friends, there’s no way for your boyfriend to OK this arrangement without feeling utterly humiliated. If he gives you permission to sleep with mutual friends, then his friends will know that he’s sexually inadequate, and he’ll know that they know, and they’ll know that he knows that they know. Can you see how he might have a problem with that?
