I was cruising for sex online and made a date to meet up with two guys for anonymous play. When we arrived at the one guy’s apartment, he asked us if we would fuck him bareback. I said no, but the other guy said he would. The bottom then asked us if we were both negative, and we both answered yes. Here’s the problem: The other guy (not the bottom) had the appearance of someone taking HIV meds. He looked very positive. I asked the bottom if he was negative. “Definitely,” he said. “I just got tested.” I told him I would only fuck him with a condom, but he then asked the other guy to do him bareback and come in his ass. I again interjected: “I always play safe,” I said. I was hoping the bottom might give it some more thought, but he kept on asking the other guy for his load. At that point I told them both I couldn’t stay and got dressed. On my way out I tossed a condom on the couch and said, “Just in case you change your mind.”
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I knew I had to remove myself from the situation, because I don’t believe in taking part in unsafe play, but I was reluctant to be assertive: they were both adults and could make their own decisions. And yet I wondered whether I should have been more forceful. Did I do right, should I have done more, or should I have just butted out and left them alone without a word? –My Brother’s Keeper?
Second, you say the other top “looked very positive.” I don’t want to give my readers the impression that HIV-positive guys all look a certain way. There are already too many gay guys out there eyeballing guys, deciding they look “clean,” and then engaging in unprotected sex. Listen up, you stupid, stupid faggots: not all positive guys “look” positive. However, some poz guys on meds suffer from side effects that are instantly recognizable–primarily facial wasting, or lipoatrophy. Guys with facial wasting (i.e., deep grooves where their cheeks used to be) do indeed “look very positive.”
The above “you” statements are all for the stupid, stupid bottom, of course. Here’s one you should have used on the other top: “You look like you’re positive. Are you lying about your HIV status?”
Speaking of ethical gay guys: The producers of the International Mr. Leather contest (IML), which is being held in Chicago this weekend, are going after crystal meth dealers. “As Chicago prepares to welcome the world,” the notice on their Web site reads, “the producers of International Mr. Leather want to tell some people to stay home. We have no use for crystal meth at any of our functions. Dealers: If you show up anyway, we will not kick you out. We will call the police.” That’s so judgmental, so intolerant–and so fucking right on. Mad props, as the kids say, to IML’s producers.
