I have a question I don’t think you’ve ever addressed. I’m a 32-year-old heterosexual female who was stricken with near-terminal cancer eight years ago. I’ve gone through every sort of treatment known to mankind (and had the gross misfortune of going through menopause at 27 years old). I was sort of a late bloomer when the disease took hold, and I’d only had sex with one man, when I was 23 years old. That relationship lasted about six months.
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I took it upon myself to have some cosmetic surgery to restore my looks (I had some bloating that stretched my skin, and some really bad scars), and men are starting to notice me. I would very much like to have a sex life–and I very much want to rock the world of the next person I’m with. Do you have any suggestions as to where I might find a heterosexual man who would be willing to “educate” me? Would it be foolish to explain my predicament to people seeking casual sex on various Web sites? At this time I think I’d be more comfortable without the nervousness of an emotional entanglement, so please don’t tell me to just find a nice guy. –Former Sicko Seeking Sex
You don’t say so explicitly, FSSS, but the implication’s there loud and clear: you believe there are two kinds of guys out there, nice ones–that is, men seeking sex coupled with an emotional entanglement–and not-so-nice ones, men seeking sex free from all of that. It’s a common assumption, FSSS, and it tries my patience. Everyone seems to think that people seeking emotionally entangled sex are kind and considerate and moral, while people seeking NSA–that’s “no strings attached”–sex are cruel and selfish and immoral. It ain’t necessarily so.
The correct response to “Do you have a foot fetish or something?” is “Yes, I do.” As fetishes go, a thing for women’s feet is a thoroughly charming throwback to more innocent times–heck, it’s positively Clintonian. So be upbeat and up-front.
