I hope this problem isn’t too boring: I adore my smart, affectionate, sexy husband, but he’s impotent. We don’t really need medical advice–we know why. (It started out as a physiological problem, side effects from antidepressants; now it’s psychological.) He’s currently–and willingly–seeing a psychiatrist, but I need some advice on how we can get back in the saddle. Direct discussions about the problem make him feel worse and more inadequate. He’s even admitted he avoids situations where we might fool around, because if he doesn’t try he can’t fail. I’m getting a bit desperate–I’m having fantasies about posting on Craigslist and finding some NSA sex–but really I just want to have hot sex with my husband! I want to be understanding, but I also really need to get some. Asking him to use a strap-on is just plain insensitive, right? –Help One Really Neglected Young Woman
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Your husband avoids fooling-around situations, or FAS, because he feels he won’t be able to satisfy you, his theory being no bone, no satisfaction. That seems to be your theory too, HORNYW, but embracing it is making your problem worse. It’s perfectly understandable that he would avoid FAS–and the humiliation of failure–until he’s absolutely positive he can keep it up. That’s why the best approach in a situation like this is to take the focus–and the pressure–off the guy’s dick. Tell him he can’t fail to satisfy you with oral sex, masturbation, and toys (perhaps working your way up to strap-ons) and he’ll begin to think of sex as something he’s good at again, boned or boneless.
I’m 21, and I’ve always had trouble coming during sex, no matter the position, size of the guy, etc. But it doesn’t bother me because I have no trouble coming during oral or manual stimulation. So it’s never really been a problem–until I started sleeping with this new guy. Soon after I start moaning and getting into it, he starts whispering for me to “Come on, baby.” When he’s about to come he’s like, “I hope you’re getting close, I want to come with you.” And then after we’re done he’ll ask if I got there or not! I’ve told him that I basically just don’t come during sex, but that doesn’t deter him, and I’m getting kind of sick of the pressure. Should I just fake it? –Pestered Girl
