Recently my boyfriend and I broke up, one reason being his lack of initiative in calling me. After we broke up, I spoke with several of my girlfriends and found out that they, too, have similar troubles with their boyfriends or guys they are seeing. Some of these women are in serious, long-term, loving relationships. It seems to me that this is a blight on modern relationships. Women want to get phone calls from our significant others because it lets us know we are cared for, but men seem to be indifferent, even after it’s been brought up and discussed. Are we women asking for too much? Or are men being thoughtless? –Give Me a Call
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“He likes to wear bright colors. Is he gay?” No, he’s not. If he liked sucking my cock, maybe. “My boyfriend really gets off on eating my ass, which he’ll happily do for ages. I enjoy it, and he certainly enjoys it. But I worry: is he gay?” No, he’s not. If he got off on eating my ass, maybe. “My husband has a really close male friend. They go to games together, and sometimes even to the gym. Are they gay?” No, they’re not. Sometimes even straight guys go to the gym.
Yes, straight women are asking too much, GMAC. Stereotypical straight men, as every woman knows, don’t like to gab away on the phone. A straight guy would rather show you he loves you by, say, fixing your car or coming all over your face. If you’re attracted to straight guys, a lack of initiative in the phone-call department and the occasional facial are part of the price of admission. Want someone to call you up just to talk? Get some girlfriends or stop paying off your credit cards.
The awareness that my advice, if bad, could get you killed, ILYA, is kind of inhibiting. If I tell you to send less subtle signals and it turns out that Basra isn’t gay, and Basra tells Baghdad, then I’ve got blood on my hands. Even if Basra is gay, how can we be sure that only Basra will pick up on your less subtle signals? In those communal showers and sleeping quarters, I imagine less subtle signal sending could get you guys both killed. So I’m going to punt. A lot of dudes in the armed forces read Savage Love for the freak factor. I’d like to invite you guys–gay or straight, homophobe or homophile–to weigh in. What the hell should ILYA do, guys?
And finally, to Rob in Albany, who felt my aside was proof of my intolerance and hypocrisy: joking about Christianity isn’t evidence that I’m intolerant–hell, I’m perfectly willing to tolerate Christians. I have never, for instance, attempted to prevent Christians from marrying each other or tried to stop them from adopting children or worked to make it illegal for them to hold certain jobs. I don’t threaten to boycott companies that market their products to Christians, and I don’t organize letter-writing campaigns to complain about Christian characters on television. Hell, I’m a model of tolerance! Oh sure, I joked about the virgin birth because I think it’s silly and sexphobic. And I’m free to say as much, however unpleasant it is for some Christians to hear. Fundamentalist Christians, for their part, are free to think homosexuality is sinful and unnatural, and they’re free to say so, however unpleasant it is for me to hear. But fundamentalists aren’t willing to just speak their piece, Rob. Nope, they seek to persecute people for being gay, and that’s where their low opinion of homosexuality–which, again, they have an absolute right to hold–transubstantiates into intolerance.
