I’ve just started dating a guy who is into being dominated. He also has quite the foot fetish. Problem is, I have zero experience with any sort of kinky sex. He’s 35 and has been around the block; I’m 24, and all I’ve ever had is sex with guys who claimed to have no fantasies. I really want to please him, but I don’t know what to do. He says that he’s not really into pain and that it’s more centered around being mentally and emotionally toyed with. I’ve asked him for specifics, but he says he doesn’t want to freak me out. I’d wing it, but I’m clueless! –Tramp in Training
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Your urge to wing it is admirable, TIT, but Lady Green and I both agree that you shouldn’t attempt anything too ambitious until your boyfriend comes through with some details. “The most she should try without getting some more specific ideas from him,” says Lady Green, “is building a little control and/or fetish play into your lovemaking. Put one of your feet in his face for him to smell and nuzzle during intercourse, for example, or place a hand over his mouth to block speech during whatever else you might be doing.”
“The most important tip I can give you is to remember that you don’t have to ‘act like a dominant woman,’” says Lady Green. “If you try to put on an act, behaving like someone else’s idea of the Bitch Dominant From Hell, you’ll have a hard time relaxing and enjoying yourself. Just open yourself up to the pleasure of being in charge in whatever way feels right to you.”
I advised TBW to “obtain [his wife’s] consent to either initiate oral sex sometime when she’s asleep or when she’s pretending to be asleep.” In light of your research, LTHAT, I’m going to, er, withdraw the “sometime when she’s asleep” part of that.
