Just out of curiosity, are you married yourself? Because if you are not, where do you get off telling married people how married sex should/could be? –Amy K.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
To get back to your question, Amy K., here’s where I get off: I’ve been with one person long enough to know what it takes to keep the sex interesting over the long haul (the Finnish men’s swim team, as it turns out), as well as how to fight about Visa bills and family visits and child rearing without giving in to the urge to strangle your partner with your bare hands. So I think I know from marriage, thanks, even if I’m not technically married myself.
Oh, and speaking of married people, lots of readers had advice for FMBC, the married woman who had the nerve to complain about her husband stroking his dick while he goes down on her. There were too many responses–and too many good responses–to run them all here, so I’m posting them on the Web at www.thestranger.com/specials/fmbc.html.
No, the only way for you to indulge your husband in this fantasy safely–I’m assuming your only objection is safety–would be for you to have sex with someone you both know and trust, a man you’re comfortable with and whom you find attractive. This man would have to be told what’s going on, for his own emotional safety; it would be unethical to take advantage of a man who has a thing for you if you’re only fucking him to please your husband. Letting the other man know what’s going on will require exposing your husband’s kinky secret to a friend or mutual acquaintance, something your husband might not be up for. But if he wants to realize this fantasy, HH, then your husband will have to assume some of the risk too–namely, the risk of being exposed. If he’s into this for the humiliation, well, he can’t really object to the other man knowing what a dirty, submissive little freak you’ve got for a husband, can he?
And you’ll never break down that wall, YIB, so long as you’re willing to consent again and again to sex that bores you. And, I’m sorry, but how caring is your boyfriend if he doesn’t care that you’re unhappy? And isn’t it somewhat insensitive of him to keep asking you to engage in sex that he knows damn well leaves you feeling frustrated? Per your request, YIB, I’m not going to tell you to break up with him. But I am going to order you to (1) contemplate your fate if you don’t do something about this now, and (2) stop going through the motions.
