I met a guy through a BDSM chat room. It seemed like the perfect no-risk adventure sex–he’s dom, I’m sub; he’s sexy as all get-out, I’m fat in all the places he likes girls to be fat. So we hook up. But instead of the onetime adventure I was expecting, we hook up again and again. We talk for hours on the phone and hang out naked watching TV and eating Chinese food. It’s been a couple of months now, and I really like this guy. Usually “dom” guys are not people I would want to spend five minutes with outside of the bedroom. But we seem to go effortlessly from being friends and equals to mind-shatteringly orgasmic power-exchange fucking, which always seems to end up sweet and slow and feeling a lot more like lovemaking.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
Should I just let things be good and enjoy it and see where it goes? Or should there be an official “This is now a relationship and I am opening myself up to the possibility of a future with you” discussion? I am just so terrified of being dismissed as a potential partner because of the way we met. What if men (or at least this man) can have not just casual sex without feeling attached, but also casual naked Chinese without feeling attached–as long as they have already classified the woman in their head as a fantasy-fulfillment booty call? –Sex Crazed Adventures Rarely Evolve Development
However, you should let him know how you’re feeling, SCARED, and you can do it without tossing down lightning bolts like “This is now a relationship” and “I am opening myself up to the possibility of a future with you.” Try something simpler and sweeter, something truthful but less thunderclappy, like “I’m totally digging you as a dom, which I expected after our chats, and also as a person, which I totally didn’t expect. I hope we can keep on fucking and hanging out.” He’ll catch your drift, I guarantee you, and he’ll appreciate your ability to let things develop naturally and without any hurry-up ODs. Then chill the fuck out, enjoy the sex and the Chinese, and see where it goes.
