Lest I be accused of waging a war on Christmas by the pro-Christmas lobby–oh, whatever would I do if the all-powerful puckerbutts at the American Family Association called for a boycott of Savage Love?–I’m presenting a heartwarming selection of how-I-lost-my-virginity horror stories submitted by my readers.
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I got my cherry popped when I was 15 years old, by a 22-year-old man. We were making out on a reclining plastic pool chair. When I told him I wanted to do it, he hopped right in. The initial pain gave way to a feeling of pressure “down there.” I naively thought that maybe if I let my body release this pressure, I would get my big “O.” I let go of the pressure . . . and immediately started peeing. It flowed through the chair’s slats and hit the concrete beneath us in a steady stream. Try stopping your flow of urine while you’re being pumped. You can’t. I died a million deaths while he finished. When it was over, I asked him how he felt about being my first. “Well, sleeping with a virgin is kind of a pain in the ass,” he said, quickly followed by “Did you pee?” –Pool Party Girl
By 19 I was eager to lose my virginity, not yet having discovered my Sapphic proclivity. I turned down some enthusiastic offers and instead chose a cycling maniac like myself. I remember being underimpressed with the event (“Is that all there is?”), and he seemed disappointed that I didn’t bleed. After we finished, the condom came off his flaccid dick inside me. I freaked and ran to the bathroom. The whole household got involved with suggestions and solutions. Looking back, it’s pretty funny, but I was mortified at the time. –Bike Geek Love
As many readers wrote in to point out, by the time last week’s column came out, Ford had reversed itself: like Kraft, the car company told the gay haters at the American Family Association where to stick their boycott and announced that they’d continue to advertise in gay publications and sponsor gay events. A very nice Christmas gift to us all.
