A close friend of ours is a gay male in his 40s. About seven years ago, our friend met and briefly dated a not-too-bright, conniving guy about ten years younger. Our friend threw himself into this relationship with his new “trophy husband” and did everything he could for his new boyfriend. He financed his apartment, paid his numerous bills, wrote his papers for school, and even purchased all the boyfriend’s holiday gifts–all the while keeping everything a secret so the boyfriend could keep his big ego intact. After the boyfriend was back on his feet with a new job, new wardrobe, new apartment, and new furniture (courtesy of my friend), he dumped my friend and was having sex with boys 10 to 15 years his junior.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
This appears to be a never-ending cycle. My friend, despite the fact that his ex still owes him thousands of dollars, continues to buy him everything he can, as fast as he can–a new condo, new furniture, and a new car. We love our friend and we want him to be happy. However, he continues to be in denial about the situation. He’s always defending his ex. How do we help our friend move on from this opportunistic user and finally cut the financial and emotional cords once and for all? –Hard to Watch
So, HTW, you need to accept that–short of murder–there’s nothing you can do that will convince your idiot friend to cut those financial and emotional cords. Your friend’s behavior is pathetic, his ex is beneath contempt, and you should refuse to play along. When you’re with your friend and hisex comes up, screw your courage to the sticking place and say something like this: “He’s a user, you’re a fool, change the subject.”
Well hello there, Mr. Savage. I’m the woman who had that boy tied up in my bedroom during a party this summer. I knew that one of my guests happened upon him before I read your column last week, because he told me about it. I wish I knew which one of my guests it was–I was hosting my firm’s summer barbecue on my deck and there were a lot of people here–because I would like to thank her for not calling the police!
You’re welcome, BFD, and thanks for sharing.
