I was talking with my Rush Limbaugh-quoting uncle and gay marriage came up. I told him that gay men and lesbians wanted nothing more than their human rights. I told him that telling part of the population that they can live as “partners” but not get married is separate and unequal. He responded by saying that anal sex is unhealthy and insisted that all old gay men wear colostomy bags. He said a doctor told him this. I know he’s full of shit, and you know he is. The problem is that I had no research to back up my argument. I tried Googling anal sex and I found some great Web sites. None of them were very academic, however. So my question is this: Could you give me some resources that back me up? –Suffering Under Redneck Fallacies
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Some old gay guys wear colostomy bags, SURF, just like some old straight guys. Some old straight girls wear ’em too, as do some old dykes. But anal sex doesn’t correlate with any of the medical conditions that can saddle people with colostomy bags. According to the Merck Manual of Medical Information, colorectal cancer, for instance, frequently leaves its victims dependent on colostomy bags. And who’s at highest risk of developing colorectal cancer? Male homosexuals? Nooooo. “People at highest risk tend to consume a high-fat, low-fiber diet,” reads Merck. So you can tell your uncle that his lard-assed pal Rush Limbaugh is more likely to wind up with a colostomy bag than, say, a svelte old butt-fuckee. (For the record, not all gay men are buttfuckers/buttfuckees, and not all buttfuckers/buttfuckees are gay men. And if digging anal sex means you’re not fit to marry, well, I know a lot of straight couples out there who don’t qualify.)
Oh, and speaking of Rush Limbaugh and the sanctity of marriage: Mr. Limbaugh announced last week that he and his wife are getting divorced after ten years of marriage. Limbaugh is now three for three: three marriages, three divorces. If social conservatives like wee Gary Bauer are truly interested in protecting marriage, shouldn’t they be pressing for some sort of three-strikes law that protects marriage from heterosexuals like Limbaugh?
