My fetish is pretty unoriginal, but it hasn’t received much attention in your column. I have a breast fetish. More specifically, I like bigger-than-your-head breasts. Could you find out why all the huge-breasted porn stars of the mid-90s (Tiffany Towers, Wendy Whoppers) left the industry and why there aren’t any new ones replacing them? And more importantly, how do I find a partner who’s willing (and eager) to get her breasts enlarged to epic proportions? –Boy Requesting Education About Super Tits
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My assistant, Mahrya, discovered these amazing facts, BREAST, while tracking down Tiffany Towers and Wendy Whoppers, neither of whom responded to my repeated requests for comment, as they say at the New York Times. I could’ve looked up “huge breasts” myself, I suppose, but enormoboobs are so early-to-mid Clinton era, you know? I like to reserve my time for researching newer, freakier fetishes, thank you very much. But shortly after tracking down Tiffany Towers, Mahrya informed me that she’s moving on. It seems my assistant found more respectable work at a law firm where she won’t have to google “huge breasts” ever again. While I’m sorry to see Mahrya go–thanks for everything, M.–I am looking forward to hiring a new assistant. Does spending the day googling enormoboobs, tracking down retired porn stars, and gently reminding me about deadlines I’ve already missed sound appealing? Send me an e-mail. (Male applicants are encouraged to enclose pictures of themselves in Speedos.)
So why did the enormoboobs thing go bust? Once the shock value wore off, BREAST, what was left? Women with huge racks. But once you’ve seen 20 or 30 women with huge breasts tossing chairs at one another on Jerry Springer, well, the fetish doesn’t seem so fresh anymore. The porn market moved on, Towers and Whoppers found it harder to get work, and new porn stars didn’t line up for enormoboob jobs because there wasn’t any money in it.
“Reporting on technology that could be used to torture is not the cause of the problem,” said Alistair Hodgett, media director for Amnesty International USA. “Almost anything can be used to inflict torture, from a bowl of water (for mock drowning) to a hood (for sensory deprivation). Preventing torture requires not silence about these facts but action to counter its causes, prohibit it in law, and prosecute those who commit or order it.”
