I know you don’t want to hear this, Dan, but marriage is about babies. By supporting the baby industry–i.e., hetero baby producers–our government keeps the country populated. Gay people can’t reproduce, even if they can raise other hetero people’s kids (adoption) or use other people’s sperm (artificial insemination). But never–and I mean never–can two gay people produce a child on their own. Why is that so freakin’ hard to understand? The natural urge of a man and a woman to make babies is the basis of our existence. Your parents had that urge one time and that’s why you exist. Duh. Santorum is not a basis for a society. Get over it, baby.
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–Daddy Against Dan
Baby-producin’ straight couples are important, DAD, but there’s nothing about allowing gay people to get married that takes anything away from a pair of married, heterosexual baby producers. (Not that babies are really that scarce a resource.) And no one is suggesting that all people enter into gay marriages, ya dope. Even if all the gay people on earth got married tomorrow–and it bears keeping in mind that not all gay people want to get married, could find someone to marry, or would be willing to leave the priesthood in order to marry–there would still be plenty of heteros out there populating the hell out of the place.
Humans aren’t the only animals that engage in homosexual activity, MM, and that’s a well-documented fact. (Check out Bruce Bagemihl’s book Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, which discusses the homosexual lifestyles of orangutans, whales, warthogs, fruit bats, chaffinches, and more than 200 other animals.) And maybe you missed the recent story in the New York Times about two gay male penguins at the Central Park Zoo who fostered and cared for a penguin chick. So it would seem that the big difference between penguins and humans isn’t that we practice homosexuality and penguins don’t, MM, but that straight penguins aren’t threatened by the existence of gay penguins. There is no penguin equivalent of the Traditional Values Coalition, no penguin Gary Bauer or Lou Sheldon, no penguin president trying to prevent so-and-sos from loving each other and adopting chicks, and no straight penguins talking about sewing gay penguins’ assholes shut.
