I’m a divorced man who’s been dating a married woman in an open/poly relationship for six months. Her husband has been occupied with his new girlfriend. As a result his wife has been spending a lot more time with me. She’s feeling (understandably) abandoned by her husband, and I’m picking up the slack. While I find her general GGG-ness refreshing, the truth is that I also find her boring. I’ve made it clear that she could never be my primary partner, and she assures me that she’s fine with that–so long as I don’t dump her. I have no experience with this sort of situation. If this were a monogamous relationship I’d break up with her so that I could look elsewhere. Instead I can keep this piece of cake and look for another slice too. Does it matter that I don’t see any long-term potential between us? By what do I measure the success of our relationship? –Too Many Slices of Cake
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“The success of a polyamorous relationship is measured by whether or not it makes the people in it happy,” Matisse says. “By that yardstick, Cake Boy, you’re coming up zero. You’re getting nookie off a woman you find boring while you recover from your divorce and look for better options. I don’t call this polyamory. I call this opportunism.”
“You’re painting it with a thin veneer of compassion, but come on, guy,” Matisse says. “If you want to be a pal to a woman whose husband is temporarily insane with new-relationship energy, take her to the movies, not to bed. Her husband may be sprung on someone else at the moment, but at least he’s not dumping her for the new shiny thing, whereas you will.”
I’m not sure how the Romans factor into this, CHS, but here’s the swift and brutal opinion: if a coke-hating sister can’t get serious about a man who uses coke, then why is she wasting her time on this trifling, tranny-banging, coke-snorting brother? Either coke is a deal breaker for you, CHS, or it isn’t. If it is, don’t date him. But if this butt-plugging asshole merits an exception, then date him, girl, and stop bitching about it.
I’m sorry you and your brother had bad experiences with fag friends, BSB, but it happens. And let’s make an effort to keep it in perspective: hitting on a friend is an asshole move that’s been used and abused by gay men, straight men, and the odd woman. But not all gay men hit on their straight male friends. I have four very close straight male friends, BSB, and I’ve never hit on any of them. Why? Because I’m not generally attracted to straight boys, for starters, and not one of them is my type, for enders. And when I meet a straight guy who is my type (hey there, Sal!), a friendship is out of the question. Gay men don’t want to be friends with men they find attractive for the same reason straight men don’t want to be friends with women they find attractive: why torture yourself?
