This isn’t the sort of question you usually answer, but I hope you will consider it anyway.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
A month ago we were making love. I was restrained to the bed; we did this all the time. The next thing I knew he was fingering my anus. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t. He took his time, stretching and lubing. I was screaming and crying for him to stop the whole time. I won’t get into how much it hurt, but suffice it to say I nearly passed out from blood loss as a result of his tearing open old scars. He freaked out when he saw the amount of blood on the bed and called 911. (This was after he’d had an orgasm). I spent a week in the hospital and ended up with 30 stitches to rerepair the damage. I’m still in a lot of pain.
I refused to see him while I was in the hospital. I didn’t take his calls. I gave the flowers he sent to other patients. He utterly and completely betrayed my trust. I trusted him with my safety when I let him restrain me, and he took advantage and hurt me. I want nothing to do with him ever again. I’ve been told he’s been on suicide watch at the local hospital several times since the incident. His friends and family tell me he’s sorry, that he didn’t mean to hurt me, and that I should forgive him. I realize that he may have not intended to hurt me; he did use lubrication, and attempted to open me up a bit first. If he had meant to hurt me then he would have just shoved his way in. But the fact is, I said no.
Your ex should get down on his knees twice a day and thank his lucky fucking stars that you didn’t press charges. And, I’m sorry, but why aren’t you pressing charges? He raped you–you know that, right? The word rape doesn’t appear anywhere in your letter, NCA, which I hope isn’t a sign that you see this “incident” as anything other than a full-blown sexual assault. So what if Enis used lube? So what if he took his time? Some rapists use condoms and say “please” and “thank you.” They’re still rapists.
But beyond that, there’s a secret core-strengthening exercise many athletes do to improve their performance–and not just on the track. I give you the Plank. This exercise can put quite a bit of strain on the lower back, so OBESE should shed a few pounds before he attempts it, but here’s how it works: Lie on the floor on your stomach. Point your toes directly into the floor. Prop yourself up on your elbows with your elbows directly under your shoulders and with your forearms flat on the ground. Hoist your entire body off the floor so your only points of contact with the floor are your toes, elbows, and forearms. Your body should be flat as a board between your heels and your shoulders. Don’t let your back sag, and don’t stick your ass up in the air. Hold this position as long as you can, breathing the whole time.
