I’m a straight woman who hasn’t had sex in five years. Why? Because every time I get close to a guy he’s shocked by the large size of my clit. I get “What is that down there?,” “It looks like a mini penis,” and “I wasn’t sure what to think–guy or girl?” Is there anything I can do? Surgery? I live in Canada, so I’m hoping our health-care system thinks this is as emotionally distressing as I do. Please help. I just want to have sex again and feel normal. –Big Clit
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“Lots of docs will be happy to operate on you,” Dreger goes on. But “I wouldn’t do it in a million years, knowing what I know. Many women who have had clitoral-reduction surgery as children and as adults report diminished sexual sensation. Worse yet, some women who have had this surgery report short-term or lifelong genital pain.”
If that’s not enough to dissuade you, BC, consider this: most of the surgeons out there hacking away at different-than-average clits don’t know much about clitoral geography. “They’ve finally started confessing this in the medical meetings I attend,” says Dreger. “The nerves turn out to be in different places than most of them thought. Oops! And most of them don’t know that most women masturbate by rubbing the shaft of the clit, so the shaft is what they typically remove, thinking only the glans (the nubbin at the tip) is what’s important. Oops again!”
I’m 25 and have been with my 27-year-old boyfriend for five years. After a night of heavy drinking, we were talking to another couple (both 26, our friends for two years) about threesomes. The other couple invited us back to their place. We had some fun, mainly oral, and then the other couple decided it was time to “swap.” So the guy and I went in another room and we ended up having vaginal sex. When the girl found out she was furious. My boyfriend was also upset. Now, my boyfriend and I didn’t set clear boundaries, but I assumed the other couple had since they initiated the foursome. I betrayed my boyfriend, and I will work on that. But the thing is, I resent the girl thinking I betrayed her. I feel that I shouldn’t be responsible for crossing the line with the other girl, because she was into the foursome and her boyfriend initiated the sex, so I assumed she was OK with it. I want your opinion. Did I betray the girl too? –Foursome Undermines Couple’s Kinky Yearnings
A romantic partner that attempts to isolate you from your friends–you can’t even text them?–is an abuser, WTFM. Yes, yes, your girlfriend can reasonably expect to be your top priority, but she can’t demand all of your time. Men who attempt to isolate their female partners frequently use threats of physical violence or actual violence to get their way, making it easy for the world to see them for the abusive fucks they are. When women pull the same crap on men it usually involves emotional manipulation–like, say, convincing the guy that he’s her only friend or getting him to blame himself for making her so emotionally dependent on him–and it can be harder to recognize the behavior as abusive. But abuse it is, WTFM, and the longer you let her get away with it the worse it’s going to get. DTMFA.
