I am a single guy . . . never good with women . . . not many girlfriends . . . . I didn’t have sex till I was 31 . . . but all my life I’ve had this strange fetish . . . . I love to be shampooed with lots of lather and suds, suds in my eyes, nose, and mouth. I have been trying to find a female partner to shampoo me . . . . I am a big, hairy guy and I’ve been told I’m scary looking . . . . I offered hair salons money just to shampoo me . . . not one would . . . . Can you direct me to a place where I can get my fetish? I hope you can help me . . . . Why am I bad with women? Maybe I’m gay . . . –Help Me Out
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Hello, straight boys? Did you learn anything from Will & Grace? Did we suffer through eight years of that shit for nothing? Gay men and straight women get along like gang-fucking-busters, as everyone on earth and her gay best friend should know by now. And yet I’m constantly getting e-mail from inept straight guys who’ve convinced themselves that homosexuality is some sort of fallback sexual orientation for guys with no social skills.
You’re not fags, HMO and LMBG, you’re socially maladapted straight boys. In other words, completely normal. Please make a note of it. Then ask your friends, if you’ve got any, what you’re doing wrong and tell them to be brutal. Take their feedback to heart and work on your social skills, personal hygiene, appearance–whatever they tell you the problem is. And if all else fails, get obscenely wealthy. Gina Gershon and Monica Seles did not date software billionaire Paul Allen for the scintillating conversation about his collection of Doctor Who memorabilia.
I’m a 24-year-old male, not too kinky, not too vanilla. When I was 18, I was dating a 16-year-old girl and we had a lot of good sex. In fact, we took pictures. Now I’m planning to become a schoolteacher. Should I get rid of these pics or keep them as a memento of some of the best sex I’ve ever had? –Stumped About My Sex
