I went to a friend’s wedding, a friend whom five years ago I would have called a best friend. (I don’t know how to describe our friendship now because we don’t talk or see each other much.) At the wedding I became reacquainted with her ex-boyfriend (she dated him for three months three years ago), and now I’m dating him. She’s pissed and claims that I’m breaking the “code”–that is, the unwritten code of not dating your friends’ exes. I assumed that proscription ended if you got married. I’ve polled quite a few girlfriends to see what they think, and most say the code is over when you marry, though a few say it isn’t. I’m curious what you or your readers think. –Ending the Code
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If your friend had been traumatized by her relationship with this man and if the two of you were still so close that she would be forced to interact with him if you were dating him, then you should have refused to date her ex. But she clearly wasn’t traumatized by her relationship with this man–she invited him to her wedding–and you guys don’t hang out much anymore. Any friends-don’t-date-friends’-exes fatwa would have to be considered inoperative under these circumstances. Your buddy has no right to make you feel guilty about going after her ex.
The attached picture is the cover of a recent local magazine here in Boston, MA. My girlfriend says the image is violent because the girl is tied up. I say it’s not because the context (the alluring half smile on the girl’s face, the hearts on the wallpaper) suggests consent. What do you think? –Dave
I’ll be blunt: I’m straight, I’m smart, I’m funny, and I’m cool. I appreciate art, I’m good at talking to people, and I’m the loneliest damn bastard I know because I refuse to tolerate people who aren’t as good as I am. Also, to my misfortune, I’m quite young–18 years young, in fact. This brings me to my questions. Thing one: Where do I start the search to find my dream girl? Simply waiting around has not worked for me so far. Thing two: How do I while away the time? I’ve tried burying my troubles in the random, pretty little bubbleheads that annoyingly populate my tiny, tiny world, but it just makes me that much lonelier when they can’t talk about Foucault when we cuddle. Should I abstain until I find someone I can appreciate? I await your response with bated breath. –Studied Thoroughly Under der Derian
You see your boyfriend’s insistence on seeing you naked as evidence of his insensitivity, WU, but I see it as proof that he cares about you. Your hang-ups about your body are irrational, and they’re something you need to get the fuck over. Hopefully his ultimatum will motivate you to get your ass to a shrink already. While you don’t “owe him nudity,” WU, you do owe your boyfriend a partner who isn’t a complete nutcase.
