I’m a 24-year-old male with a 28-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year, and I love her with all my heart. We get along, she makes me laugh, and she even plays video games with me. But our sex life is less than great. I know there are guys out there who will hate me for saying this, but the problem is my cock. It’s too big. I’m 6′ 3″, and she’s a foot shorter. I love oral sex, but she can’t perform it on me–it hurts her mouth and jaw. I’ve tried to work with her to find a solution, but she gets too embarrassed and has basically given up trying. Also, if we have vaginal intercourse for more than 15 minutes she’s almost too sore to walk the next day. She is extremely shy in all sexual matters. Is there any way we can reach something good for both of us? –Absolutely Wants Oral Loving
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I don’t normally answer questions from guys complaining about their big dicks. It’s not that a big dick can’t be problematic. It’s just that any time I run a letter from a guy complaining about his big dick, AWOL, guys with tiny dicks start CCing me on their suicide notes. It’s depressing.
OK, AWOL, your dick isn’t the problem here; your girlfriend is. She sounds swell, what with the relating and laughing and video-game playing, but her shyness about sex coupled with her unwillingness to communicate with you about sex is the problem. Do you realize you’re blaming the victim, AWOL? I want you to look in the mirror and say over and over until you believe it, “My dick didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not a crime to be big. There are plenty of guys with big dicks out there who fall in love with petite partners, and by working together these couples learn to accommodate each other’s special features and physical limitations.” Here are two ways to do that.
A year later I received a phone call from Ducks’s college roommate. He was concerned about Ducks’s treatment of his new girlfriend. At first I was reluctant to get involved, but after the roommate described Ducks’s behavior (lying, screaming, tantrums), I told him that yes, that was typical. He asked if it had escalated into something worse. I told him it had. The roommate then put the girlfriend on the phone. She begged me to tell her how much worse. I told her of a specific instance of extreme psychological abuse. She ended her relationship with Ducks, and his roommate kicked him out. He was kicked out of college two weeks later for academic reasons. Now Ducks’s family blames me for their son’s difficulties, and I feel guilty about saying anything at all.
I had never had an orgasm in my life –despite my own and other people’s best efforts–until the age of 18. First hit of crappy weed with a cooperative boyfriend and–bam!–six orgasms in five minutes. –Forever Grateful
